My Mediumship Abilities Were Never the Problem — Not Knowing How to Trust Myself Was

One day, in June of 2022, I woke up and had this strong, knowing feeling. It was a feeling unlike any other, and one I will never forget. I woke up and I knew, in my bones, I needed to start practicing and developing my mediumship. I have had experiences my entire life, most of the time not even knowing what they were, but I had never actually tried to practice mediumship. So when I woke up that June morning, I knew it was time to start.

As it turns out, that was the beginning of everything.

Over the past few years, I have had so many beautiful and incredible experiences within my mediumship development, and overall with spirit. I developed such a deep inner knowing and trust in my intuition and the world of spirit, it just felt so natural. There were plenty of ups and downs along the way, but I slowly began developing, practicing, and becoming more comfortable sharing with others who I was and what I did.

Then the day came to really put myself out there and start offering my services, and all of a sudden, I ran straight into a brick wall.

It was one question after another. “Am I even good enough to charge for my services?” “There are so many other great mediums out there, who would choose to pay me?” “What if I don’t meet the expectations of the person I am reading for?” “What if they leave disappointed, unhappy, or even more upset than when we started?” “What if I have one really good reading and that person tells everyone how great I was and then all of these people book with me, and I can’t follow through? Or they don’t have a good reading and I let them down?”

What if, what if, what if.

The problem was never my mediumship. Sure, mediumship is just like anything else. You have to practice at it to get better at it. Like going to the gym. You don’t go to the gym one day and gain 10 lbs of muscle. You train over time and your muscles grow stronger and stronger.

The problem was the programming and conditioning I had at the time that created the identity I embodied around mediumship. It was like there were constantly two people at war with each other in my head. There was my intuition, my higher self, who knew deep down that I was on the right path. I knew I was doing what my soul was sent here to do. That part of me knew that I was doing the work I was destined to do, and I knew that I was in a season of transition, change, vulnerability, and so much more. And then there was the part of me who fought that intuition every step of the way. The part of me who didn’t trust if the messages would come through clearly, who didn’t believe people would actually want to pay her for her services, who didn’t know if she could withstand visibility and being vulnerable in front of the world. I didn’t know if I could show up for people because I didn’t know how to show up for myself. Trusting whether or not messages would come through was surface level. The root problem was that I didn’t trust myself enough to know that even if the messages didn’t come through, I would still be okay and I would still be an incredible medium.

As I continued developing, I started connecting with more and more lightworkers. I began to notice this recurring theme that would come up quite often when I connected with others. The problem was never a question of whether their psychic, mediumship, healing, reiki, etc. “worked” or was good enough. It was the identities and beliefs we believed about ourselves that either kept us small or opened the doors and created a world of opportunity.

I used to sit in my office at my desk, stare at my computer, edit my website, re-edit my website, plan offerings I would never offer, create Instagram posts I would never post, re-record a podcast episode 100 times, practice, practice, practice, learn new tools, take courses, tell myself, “I’m just getting myself super ready so that when the day comes I finally list my offerings, people will never know I struggled and they would never know I was a ‘beginner,’” take 100 videos of myself I would never do anything with, and get so frustrated with myself because I just couldn’t get myself out of the same loop. 

You know the one —> You have the idea, you feel so incredibly motivated you have to work on this idea RIGHT NOW, you start seeing how this could drastically improve your life and the lives of others, you pour in hours, days, weeks, months of work, you invest so much money into it, you take all the courses because you want to know what you’re talking about, you start planning content, you get hung up on one little thing, you think, “oh crap maybe I don’t know what I’m doing,” you push yourself harder because it has to work, you post your offering one time, no one books it, you get stuck because you don’t know where you are, who you are, or what you’re actually offering, you feel that bubble of resentment creep in because you have put so much work into this and feel like there is nothing to show for it, you feel mad, angry, burnt out, and then you tell yourself you never should have done it in the first place. And then here is where tragedy comes in… you stop and you eventually repeat this cycle.

I was there. Some days, I start to notice that cycle creeping back in, but I decided enough was enough.

I was tired of staring at my computer editing and re-editing.

I was tired of feeling like I have to have everything perfect.

I was tired of being stuck in a cycle that drove me to the brink of insanity (like I was the actual definition of insanity).

I was tired of hearing all the noise of people on social media saying, “Here is my entirely AI-created course on how I made a million dollars and how you can, too!” With zero humanness, zero creativity, and zero transformation.

The worst part?

I knew deep down in my soul I was meant for more. I knew it to my very core. And I was letting a fictitious reality keep me from living that life.

Until the day I woke up and realized something so heartbreaking, it actually felt like it broke me. I knew every single day I delayed my dream was one less day I would have living that dream. When tomorrow comes, we aren’t getting another day. We’re losing a day. Every day we grow older is one more day closer to the end of our lives. Are we really going to spend this lifetime in a loop that breaks us little by little every single day?

The time has come. The time is now. But there is a condition: you have to hold yourself accountable and drop the victim mentality. And you have to do the deep work. Deep to the root of the problem. Strip back all the layers until you get to the root of the problem, and then build a foundation worthy of holding the weight of your dreams. This work involves reprogramming and rewiring on a subconscious level. This isn’t another one of those, “Create content until you go viral” places (you know the ones). No, this is the work that matters. This is the work that takes us back to who we are at our core and shows us who we want to be.

The goal is not to fix ourselves. There’s nothing to fix because we aren’t broken. The goal is to learn how to love all of the parts of us and truly embody the version of us we want to be without sacrificing our values, morals, and true identities, by offering a new perspective on life and how you see the world.

The lightworker we all dream of being - the medium with a 2-year waitlist, the Reiki practitioner who just completed the master level of training, the manifestation coach who just had their first 100k month, the author who just released their first book on quantum physics, the mom who started doing the inner work on healing herself and breaking generational cycles so her children didn’t have to - that person lives in all of us.

You do not have to be a medium, a psychic, a tarot reader, an astrologer, a reiki practitioner, to be a lightworker. Anyone can be a lightworker. 

The definition of a lightworker is someone who feels a deep calling to bring healing and love into the world by transforming fear and darkness into light.

Be the light the world needs by being the version of you that you need.

And if you’re ready to feel more in flow with your spiritual side and step into your light, and you’re interested in a 1:1 Transformation Session with me, you can find the link to my booking page here.

All my love,

Claire